Trauma
A person can become traumatised when a detrimental event occurs that overwhelms their ability to cope. Examples include war, sexual assault or rape, taking the life of another human being, and prolonged experiences of sexual harassment, bullying, and stalking.
Trauma is fundamentally a violation. It usually occurs because of a perpetrator—someone who has severely violated another person’s human rights and personal or psychological safety, often leading to feelings of helplessness, resentment, and betrayal.
This is very different from embarrassment.
Embarrassment occurs when an individual does or says something they feel ashamed or exposed about, either at the time or afterward. The person could be acutely or mildly embarrassed. Here are two examples:
Social Rejection: An incompetent suitor might publicly proclaim their affection for someone, making an unsolicited and unfounded claim that this individual will reciprocate or enter into a relationship. If the target individual refuses or rejects this proposition, it could be intensely embarrassing for the suitor. The suitor might feel upset because they felt shamed, exposed, or ridiculed since the target did not "go along" with the proposition and did nothing to save their face or reputation. This distress, while painful, is rooted in social discomfort and rejection, not a violation of personal safety. The suitor may feel particularly aggrieved because they might have been expecting kindness, especially if the target is a woman. In society, women have often been conditioned to be kind; therefore, a woman placing her rights and dignity above the incompetent suitor’s embarrassment might be perceived as “selfish” or “too sensitive” by the suitor, causing resentment. If a suitor is particularly distressed by such a situation, seeking counselling or developing rejection-resilience skills can help them become more resilient both with themselves and with others.
Social Faux Pas: A less intense, but common example occurs when a person inadvertently calls a colleague by the wrong name during a crucial meeting, or trips and falls in a public, crowded space. The immediate, uncomfortable feeling of shame and exposure in these moments is embarrassment.
There is a profound difference between embarrassment and trauma. One should be transient and easily dismissed; the other can be profoundly life-changing. They are not equivalent, and no competent, ethical person should treat these two emotions equally.